SHADOWS von Gonyosoma


zurück zum Index


TEIL 1 -- TEIL 2 -- TEIL 3 -- TEIL 4 -- TEIL 5 -- TEIL 6 -- TEIL 7


Feedback bitte an:





He is kissing him now. Demanding, gentle, carefully - all in once. Taku relaxes against him slowly.
He doesn't fight him that much lately. To be honest: He hasn't fought him since Koji nearly killed him. He stays silent, passive and does, whatever Koji demands from him. Except for laughing, smiling or eating.
Koji shows his usual pokerface, but I think, that he is worried. He hasn't forgiven himself for his outburst and Takus quiet giving-in does nothing to ease it.
Since then, nothing has reached him. No loving, no caress, no pain, no fun, no threat. It's like he's dead, or worse, quit living.
Koji ruffles through his hair. "Would you like to watch TV? There is no soccer tonight but perhaps a movie." Taku just shakes his head, without looking on Koji. "I'm tired. Can I go to sleep, please?"
Kojis face darkens. He told Taku so often, that he is his - his to use, to abuse, to do as he please, even to sell ... Now, that Taku surrenders himself without any complaining, any of his old fire, it's frightening. It's no joke anymore, not even a bad one.
I'm torn from my thoughts rudely: "Shibuya, go and bring him upstairs. I'll follow later."  
I nod to Koji's command and get up. Taku already stands and follows me silently. I climb the old, creaking stairs up and escort him to their near empty bedroom. A bed, two chairs, an old table and a little drawer is all. Not even a carpet on the cold wooden tiles of the floor.
Taku starts to undress himself. His back to me he strips off his shirt and jeans. I check the bruises and scratches on his back. They are not so bad, nevertheless I get some  salve and put it on them. The silence tears on my nerves. "He really loves you, you know?" Stupid, stupid, STUPID. I tell a guy that his self-promclaimed owner and near killer feels for him. Arrggghhh ...
Taku jerks his shoulders. "Yeah. To death." A bitter smile is carved into his face. He lays down and covers himself with the blanket. I twitch helplessly. "He would die for you."
Taku looks at me directly for the first time since more than a month. I shudder at the sudden fire in his beautiful dark eyes. "I don't want him to die for me, Katsumi. I don't want any of this crap. I want to live - my life. You know: Without being hit or kicked or beaten up for no reason. Without being fucked or better, raped whenever he likes it. Without the threat to be sold as whore when he is tired of me or that my siblings are hurt if I run away. Or worse ... ."

I shrink under his stare. I was with the gang when we visited his siblings on their playground in uptown. We were playing nice, the guys just hanging around. I was playing with his little brother and Koji flirted with the girl, Serika, as Taku came along to bring them home.
Something in his eyes died, when Koji waved him and told his sister just loud enough, that friends should never leave eachother. Otherwise all kind of bad things happen. Serika just giggled, she thought it was a joke. Taku wasn't that stupid. The day before, Koji did meet him on his way home from school. They had a little fight. Since that, he has been obsessed with him.

He confronted Koji always with a passion which amazed me. His fire was so burning, so vivid, Koji was catched by it at the very first instant he saw it.
Now, 3 Months later,  Taku has been raped in any possible way, beaten up badly, visited the hospital a few times for lesser injuries and sleeps no longer home because he is afraid to endanger his family. Despite of all that, nothing could break him, until ...

The gang wasn't sad as he practically moved in: He started to use this old washing machine - I got clean Jeans for the first time in my life without stealing them. And he cooked: noodles and such things. Growing up in the lowest part of downtown means to miss a lot of things. My mother never cooked anything .....
Koji runs the gang, but it never really mattered to him. Now that Taku is there, Koji gets the gang together in the neighbourhood to make it save. He had nightmares about Taku caught in a crossfire on his way to school or from training. And the gang obliges. Somehow, we like this boy and, of course, adore Koji. I don't think that Taku realizes, how much he means to him. Fuck, even Koji hadn't realized, how much he needed him - until this ... well, let's call it an accident.

Taku lies curled up under his sheet, eyes closed. I sigh and stroke his hair reassuringly.
"I'll get some Chinese food tomorrow. What do you like?" His answer is short:"Nothing. I'm not hungry." "Taku! You have to eat, sometimes at least. Today you weren't hungry and yesterday, too. This has been going on since you left the hospital. Koji will force food down your throat soon."
Oops, that was the wrong thing to say. His body stiffens visibly, he shakes my hand from his hair with a bold move. "It wouldn't be the first time that he forces me to swallow something."

I don't know what to say anymore but luckily Koji walks in. He waves me good-bye and I hastily leave the room. On the first stair step, I sit down and listen to the sounds behind me. I'm not curious - well, not that much at least. I just like to stay near, if anything happens.
I hear Koji's voice, it's so unlike now from his usual speaking. He sounds soft and caring, deeper now, a little purring. I hear kisses and it's like I can feel Koji's touches. Yesterday, he slept with Taku very roughly, that's where're the marks from. He was half-mad with desire. Today, it seems, he wants to be as gentle as possible.
I dare and fling a look into the room. It's dimly lighted by a street light. Koji is lying atop of Taku, stroking and kissing him. He takes his time to worship Taku's beautiful, slender body and kisses every inch of soft skin, using his hands to reveal  more of his price, moving it so he can reach all possible spots. Taku let himself be handled. He moves as Koji wants it like a living doll. Without any emotional expression.

It feels wrong. It is simply, plain wrong.

Just in the middle of his caresses, Koji stops and catches Taku's head between his hands: "Izumi, please ... . Talk to me. I won't hurt you, I promise. I'll be careful, just relax, yes?"
There is something like pleading in Koji's eyes - I shake my head. Impossible, I must be wrong. Koji and pleading? Never!

Taku nods and leans back. He still doesn't say anything, but he lets Koji take his pleasure.
There is something desperate in Kojis lovemaking tonight. It's like he wants to force Taku back into life.

I must have dozed off a little myself because when I'm awake again, they both are sleeping. Taku lies curled up like always and Koji has snuggled up to him. He is sometimes very tough, even brutal, with Taku - but even after his worst attacks, when Taku was bleeding or could barely breathe, in the night he always lies close to him and puts his arms around this slender form.
Compared to Kojis muskular body, Taku seems fragile. I know, he isn't, being High School Soccer Star and all, but the whole gang is used to look out after him.
Taku hates that, especially when one of us hangs around near his school and follows him home. He still hasn't got that this is a very bad neighbourhood, he is just to kind.
Kind ....
I sigh and stumble into my little sleeping room, crawling under the sheets. Kind .... he can be hurt so easily. But he is also the only person I know, how cares about people without any second thoughts. When Kyoichiro had his birthday, Taku put a cake in front of him in the morning. It was just a cheap, small cake, bought in a seven-eleven around the corner. Kyoichiro stared at it for several minutes. Taku got insecure, asking if he had done anything wrong. Kyoichiro made some jokes, ate the cake and went out of the room.
We didn't talk about this, but you can be sure: If anyone outside the gang ever hurts Taku, Kyoichiro will flay them alive.
Koji is the only one, who touches Taku. The boy belongs only to him. At the beginning, he sometimes told Taku, he would sell him to a whore-house. It was a straight lie, he can't even bear being away from him for too long. Koji got nearly insane during Takus recent stay in the hospital for four weeks.

I fling a look to my watch, it's way after midnight. Definitely time to sleep.
Anything will get better in time, Taku will soon be his former self: Arguing, caring, a whirlpool of activities, I really hope that.  
Koji vowed to never hurt him again during his first OP, as no one of the doctors had any hope for him to survive. After he lived through the operation, everybody told us, he would be crippled for life at best. And now ... his body is still a little weak, he has to watch out and take it easy for the next weeks. But except for his silence, he's fine. Nothing, that won't heal.
Yes, he will soon be okay again.
Koji will look to that.
Finally I fall into an uneasy slumber.


nach oben




"Where is he, Shibuya?" A halfway gentle kick in my side wakes me. As I try to get up, someone grabs my hair and pulls, pushing me against a wall. "Where?"
I look at Koji, he is furious. Obviously Takuto is missing. Koji looses his composure only when something is wrong with Taku. I manage to catch my breath. "It's Monday, he'll be in school."
Koji lets my hair go, he looks surprised. "School? He is still sick. The doctor told him -" I interrupt. "Taku already missed a whole month. He surely doesn't want to repeat this year."
Koji snorts:"Who cares? He should stay at home and rest."  
"He does. Come on, he just isn't the type to hang around and make a living with bad deals. He still believes he has a future outside downtown."
Blue eyes burn with an unholy fire. "He'll never have a future without me, wherever he goes. I'll go and get him now."
I just manage to stop Koji before he storms downstairs. "What do you think you are doing? Do you want to yank him by his hair from the schoolyard and into your car - in front of his comrades and teachers? Think twice. He would never forgive that."
He gets insecure, just for a second. Koji sighs. His shoulders sink a little.
"No, of course not. I'll catch him after school and drive him home."

Then he is gone.


During the day, strange guys show up in the streets. They wear Armani Suits, big sun-glasses and smell dangerous. I don't like them around, not even one bit.
Since Koji made this deal, they are interested - I just don't know in what.

We have some big Families ruling the city. At day with their bought puppets, at night with their firepower. One family wanted to sell weapons - word was out that they needed cash for a deal. Another family was interested.
Problem was, that they are mortal enemies, neither of them would have made contact.
In such cases, you need an agent.

Taku was just a week in hospital, several OP's had been made, several were still to come. Koji was determined to pay the hospital-bill, he already managed the best possible treatment for Taku. I don't know, how he did that. Maybe the Medical Superintendent felt a cold knife on his throat in a dark parking-lot, together with a very polite request.
At least, it worked. Nevertheless, the bill would be astronomic, so Koji needed cash - a lot of. And fast.

This maybe deal was his chance to get it. No agent in this town was crazy enough to jump into that boiling-pot.
Koji did.

He drove first to the prospective purchaser, established himself as contact person, cleared the corner-points of the deal like price limit, time to deliver, how much and so on.
I was there as second man, Koji meant it necessary.

I nearly wet my pants.

All the time, the main guy wasn't taking Koji seriously. The turning point was when he asked: "Why do you think you can handle that? Why should I trust you?"
Koji just smiled. His answer made chills running down my back. "I can, otherwise I wouldn't be here. If I screw this job, you'll kill me. If I run away with the money, you'll kill me as soon as you catch me and in between kill my friends. On the other hand, if the job is done well, I expect to be paid most handsomely."
The man leaned forward. "And why should I pay you little runt afterwards - if you are successful?"
Koji looked him straight in the eyes. "First, because it's agreed and anything else would ruin the reputation of your family's name. Second, because no clever man ruins a valuable resource."

The guy just nodded.
Koji got a suitcase with cash to start the deal and a single bullet to remind him of his fate, should he fail.

He drove alone to the second family. I had peed my pants when we were finally back on the street again so he had send me home.
I don't know how, but he managed to get the job done and made a big extra because the selling party lowered their demands a little to show their gratitude. Everyone was satisfied and Koji suddenly a rich man.
The funniest thing is, that he didn't needed the money. Taku's foster parents showed up in the hospital and nearly started a row. They got insurance and because Taku is only 17 years old, their insurance paid the complete hospital bill.

Koji was on the brink of killing them when they came for Taku on his leaving day. Luckily for them, Taku refused to go home and let Koji collect him. He must still fear  for his family.
I really don't know what Koji would have done and I also don't want to know it.
Obsession is a strange thing after all.


In the late afternoon, Koji arrives on his bike together with Taku. The boy looks tired, today must have worn him out.
I get the promised Chinese food for us. It's delicious but Taku still refuses to eat. "I'm not hungry, just tired. I'll go to bed."
"No way. First food, then bed and afterwards maybe sleep." Koji shows a smug smile on his face, although his eyes are worried.
Taku throws his head back, a little of his old fire shows. "I'm not hungry."  
Koji finishes his meal and jumps up.
"Shibuya, bring the food. And a spoon." He drags Taku by his wrist out of the room up to their bedroom.
When I catch up with them, Taku is already stripped down to his boxers. His clothes are dangling neatly from a coat hanger, so he was at least allowed to strip himself.
His hands are tied behind his back and Koji places him onto the bed, kneeling down behind him. He takes his own shirt off.
I just stare when Koji takes the food box out of my hand and starts to feed Taku with the spoon. At first Taku puts up a fight, but he is still too exhausted to keep it up.
He gulps the rice down without looking at us. Koji can even relax the tight grip around his chin which he used to force Takus mouth open.

As soon as the food is finished, Koji lifts Taku up into a demanding kiss, turning him around and placing him into his lap. The boy can put his legs only to either side of Koji's hips so that he is sitting now right on Koji's groin, wide-spread. I can see how uncomfortable Taku is - head turned away with closed eyes.
Koji doesn't seem to notice that. He kisses the boy's chest and stomach, licks at his nipples. With one hand he leads Taku's hips, the other holds the dark hair in a strong grip, forcing the boys head back, presenting his vulnerable throat. I gulp nervously. I still need to talk to Koji but as things are, he is very - occupied. I hassle with myself when Koji flings an icy look on me. He doesn't say a word, his thumb just points at the door.
Vanishing, I hear cloth tear.
Sounds, like Taku's boxers meet their maker.
The door's already closed behind me, but still every sound can be heard.
Taku's strangled yelp as Koji enters him.
Koji's husky whispers as he pushes into Taku.
The suppressed gasps with every painful thrust.
Taku has no chance to support himself without hands - Koji has full control over his body and forces himself even deeper into him. Koji's breath comes harsh, suddenly he curses loud, and I hear Taku whimper. Finally he takes a sharp breath in and everything goes quiet.

Slowly I count to hundred. I have reached 96 when Koji calls me in.
"What is so urgent Shibuya?"
Koji is leaning comfortably against some cushions. Taku lies on the bed, head in the others lab, eyes closed. I can't tell if he is sleeping, unconscious or just resting.
Koji answers my silent question. "He is sleeping now. Okay, Shibuya, start talking."
I sigh. "The guys have been around again. I don't like that, Koji. They are up for something and we can't stop them."
He is not impressed. Gently stroking Taku's hair Koji's replay sounds cold. "They offered me a job. The gang wars killed a lot of men in the last months so they are looking for reinforcements. I wasn't interested. Are you?"
I shudder. "No, of course not."
Silence falls. All the time, Koji is petting Taku, stroking his back, gently playing with his hair. He even tugs the blankets higher so that Taku's shoulders are completely covered, warming him. He is never that tender when Taku is awake.

I square my shoulders. "Something else: Takafumi send a promo tape to this music contest."
"Well, he asked if you would sing on stage if his band makes it to the finals."
A soft laugh answers me. "No way."
I squirm uncomfortably. "He did send two tapes in. The first came back instantly, the second was more successful. It seems that it has impressed the jury. A lot."
"Fine for Takafumi."
"Do you remember the day when we visited them in their studio? You sang this nice love-song out of fun. The recording was running and - well, this is the second tape."
Koji stares at me for a moment, then he turns his attention back to Taku.
"His show. Let him handle that, I'm not interested."
I feel my blood boiling. "This could be his - no, our - chance to get out of this rat hole!"
The temperature in the  room drops suddenly, Koji's angry hiss freezes my blood. "If you wake him up, Shibuya, you won't survive tonight."
A hasty look at Taku - good, he still sleeps. I continue whispering. "Koji, don't ruin this, please. For Takafumi and the gang it's about fame and money. For you it could be more."
Koji looks at me, eyebrow lifted.

"First: It's Taku's last year in school, then he'll either go to work or to college. There is no way that he will stay here, unless you chain him up somewhere. If you want to support or follow him, you need an income."
Koji snorts. "I can make all the money I want without being feed to a bunch of teen-girls and forgotten in a month."
Desperately, I continue: "Second: You could tell Takuto here about your feelings without loosing your face. No-one would laugh, because as a singer it's your job and only Taku would know, that it's about him. He might believe it or not but it's your chance to tell him."

This point seems to get Koji. He strokes Taku's back and kisses his hair, pushing back his own silvery mane.

I have already accepted failure on my mission when he finally answers.

"I'll think about it."




nach oben




Fascinated I watch Taku playing soccer on the field. The place is crowded, a lot of school boys and girls are there and watch, excited. Today, there is a great match against an uptown school - and it seems, that our little one is becoming the hero of the neighbourhood. He has scored three times already and the other players just don't know how to stop him. They fouled him two times, even bad, but he always stands up and goes on. His eyes burn with a bright fire, his moves are fast as lightning, his body's graceful - I nearly forget to breathe.

Taku has recovered well, at least physically.
He shows his old, bright self only on the soccer field; except for that, he just endures living with Koji. It seems, that Taku has detached himself as far as possible from his environment and the people around him, not showing any emotions during our daily life. Koji watches him playing soccer and I can feel his suffering inside.

"He is great!"  I glace sidewards. Koji just stares at him with that look on his face.
His hands open and close as if he was holding someone.
"His teammates will surely want to celebrate afterwards. What do you think, shall we pick him up later?"
Koji turns his head slowly towards me and finally nods thoughtfully. "Yes, he would like that. An hour or so should be fine."
The match is over.
For the first time in the history of this town, the upper school got beaten by us downtown rats. The faces of the pretty boys in their expensive label clothing are dark while we - in torn jeans, old T-shirts and out of fashion shoes, celebrate on the field.
As Taku hears about Kojis decision, he is surprised. A soft light sparkles in his eyes, a light I haven't seen in a long time.
"That's a good idea, the boys are already wondering why I never stay after a match. When I come home, I'll cook something, okay?"

It's the first time that he has called our house 'home'. Koji just smiles, I can feel him shiver inside. He looks like he has to hold himself back by force not to grab Taku into his arms and kiss him senseless.

We drive back, though not without leaving a guard behind. Kimie gets the duty to watch over Taku. He doesn't attract attention and hides himself perfectly even in a crowded street. Koji may let Taku catch a little air, but he'd never risk anything around him.
Not even half an hour later, we've just settled ourselves in the seats, a breathless Kimie storms into our living room (well, kind of - it's the only room in our house with a couch and a TV).
"They hunt him! Hurry up, we've got to do something!"
Koji shakes him by the shoulders. "Who is hunting and why?"
Kimie swallows hard. "Some uptown boys hunt Takuto on their motorbikes. They said, they wanted to screw him. Taku is doing his best to outrun them, but with their bikes, they are just faster..."
"And you let him alone?!" Koji shoves Kimie aside and storms out. Moments later we are all on our bikes and on the way to rescue our family member.

The alley is narrow, dark and dirty. Taku has made it barely into downtown, but he took a wrong turn in his attempt to escape his hunters. Now he's reached a dead end. Slowly, he turns around, back against the solid stonewall which is blocking his way out.

The Uptown boys have him cornered. Five motorbikes roll through the alley, positioning themselves in an semicircle around him. Their leader addresses him mockingly.
"Now, you are quite a runner, aren't you? Well, when we are finished, you'll be lucky if you are still able to crawl. That will teach you and the other loosers a lesson. Now, fall on your knees and beg - maybe we go easy on you, boy."
Taku just stands and stares at them. He shows no fear, just anger. His eyes glitter brightly and his whole body is tense. The uptown boys laugh and call him names. "Pretty boy, ain't talking much. Wanna show what your mouth else can do?"
They move closer.

Unfortunately for them, we have used our time to block their exit in turn and get into position. There is an unspoken law: Never move as downtown boy into uptown, if you don't have business there. Never step into downtown, when you are an uptown citizen, except you want to spend money. The both parts of town just exist side by side, but their citizens never mix.

Their leader is just about to make his move as Koji makes his. He throws a wire with a weight at one end and drags the other's bike down. The boy crashes to the ground, taking several of his friends with him in a whole heap of falling bikes and cursing boys.

Koji steps out of the shadows, his walk is as energetic like a cat's walk on the prowl. The air sizzles around him. One of the boys gets pale. Their leader shouts angrily at him.
"Who do you think, you are? I'll have you bleed for that! The bike was brand new!!"
Koji just steps to Taku, totally ignoring this rich brat. He looks him deep in the eyes and lifts his chin gently with one hand. "Are you all right?"
The boy just nods. Koji places his hands on Takus shoulders, moving him behind his own body. Now he turns to the pile of ragged expensive clothes and damaged expensive bikes.  "You don't know the rules, rich boy. You are way out of league here. Maybe we should teach you some manners."

I nearly can't wait! I might not be the bravest one, but if I just think about the things, they could have do to our little soccer hero ...

You know something? If you want to be really screwed, then just insult, or worse hurt, the most gentle and innocent member of a bad neighbourhood gang in front of their eyes. Never try this except you want to commit suicide and don't know how to do it.

We wait impatiently for Kojis sign. Kyochiro is nearly salivating, he plays with his knife all the time. The tension rises high, until it's nearly unbearable. The Uptown boys have finally noticed us. Suddenly, they smell of fear. It's like a sweet drug, pushing our blood higher, awaking our senses, something anybody has had since the begin of mankind, dark, devouring, full of bloodlust.
Taku shivers. He feels our mood and tries to calm us. "They haven't hurt me. Don't do anything stupid."
He is taken into two strong arms, a light kiss is placed on his neck.

"Don't be afraid, we'll just teach them a little lesson." Koji releases him and hands him over to Kimie. "Bring him home and stay with him. We'll follow soon."
As soon as the two have vanished, Koji gives the sign.

With an excited, terrible war-cry, we are over them.

It's already late in the afternoon when we come back to our home. There is laughing and chattering - we really enjoyed ourselves this time. You don't often have the opportunity to humiliate some of those rich boys. We weren't that bad anyway - they had to undress and we'd send them home running without their bikes, clothes and their pride - they didn't have much of that left after the little games they had to play with each other in front of our eyes.
One thing is for sure - they'll never set a foot in downtown again!

Dinner is already done, Taku has made some tasty curry-rice. I love that. We all devour the food eagerly and even Taku tries a few bites. After dinner, he wants to vanish into bed. Koji just catches him, before he even reaches the stairs. "Where do you think you are going? There is a movie tonight, you'll watch it with me."
The blackhaired boy sighs quietly. "It's been a very long day and I'm really tired. Can't I ..."
"No. Sit down here." Koji pats the place beside him on the couch. For a second, Taku hesitates. Then he sits slowly down next to Koji. It seems, that he learned a few lessons up to now.

Somehow, it dampens my mood and leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.
The movie starts. Mostly, we watch, but not very interested. Some other things are just more thrilling.

Maybe the way, Koji sneaks his arm behind Takus back. Or how he very carefully pulls him close as Taku becomes sleepy. It does'nt take long and the boy is halfway sleeping on the couch.

Now Kojis plan becomes clear: He drags his favorite toy (read: his only love) close, tenderly placing his head on his shoulder.

All the while he strokes Takus hair and touches, just with his fingertips, those beautiful suntanned cheeks. Taku murmurs something in his sleep but because he's very tired or maybe because of the soft caresses, he doesn't wake up.
Koji smiles dreamingly. He digs his nose into the soft hair and takes a deep breath of Takus scent. It seems like he never can get enough of him.

Finally, he stands up and lifts his lover (although Koji and Takuto would deny this most vehement) in his arms. He turns to the stairs and I hastily open the door for him. Koji looks at me for a long moment.

I swallow a little.
He is my friend, perhaps my only one and I'm very alone most of the time lately and Taku is so beautiful.
Suddenly, a soft smile, normally only reserved for the beauty in his arms, shows on his face. His look is tender, almost mockingly so. "Wanna join?"

I can't answer. He isn't expecting me to because Koji already carries Taku upstairs, careful not to wake him up. I follow  them like in trance.
He is so caring towards his Izumi...

Suddenly, an old image appears in my mind: Taku kneeling on the floor, barely catching himself with tied hands. He is covered with stripes, blood tickling down his whole body. Koji, standing behind him, the heavy, now bloody belt, with which he whipped him, still in his hands.
It was the day of the accident.
I bite my lower lip to force this picture out of my mind.
What if this day had never occurred? What, if Koji had been Taku's gentle lover all the time ?


nach oben



Koji lowers the boy's body gently down on their bed.

He starts to unbutton Takus shirt. Shyly, I step closer. "Help me".
Carefully, I lift Takus shoulders, so that his shirt can be removed easily. Koji undoes his shoes and finally, his shorts. Now Taku is lying naked in front of us, his slender, muscular body glimmering golden in the weak light.
I take a sharp breath in. This sight is just perfect.
Koji takes Taku's face between his hands and showers it with kisses. The boy wakes up, he tries in vain to push Koji away. "No, I don't want ...."
Just now he notices me. His eyes grow bigger for a moment, Taku is really shocked to see me there. "You wanna fuck me in front of him? Bastard! Send him out."
Wordless, our silver-haired leader catches elegant brown hands in his own, kisses them.

His eyes shimmer like blue crystals as he moves Takus hands behind his head and gestures for me to hold them. I kneel down and press them into the soft mattress. Their grip around my wrists is cramped, the boy shivers a little.
Koji bows down to him and devours his mouth in a long, deep kiss. His hands roam over the smooth chest, tracing compact muscles and enjoying the silky skin.
As they finally part, both breathe heavily. Taku looks almost afraid.
His black eyes glitter in the moonlight.  He struggles a little against my hold but I manage to keep him down.
Chuckling, Koji strokes his face. Taku's look changes from afraid to angry. Now he is seriously fighting my grip.

As an answer Koji once more claims his mouth, holding is chin in a tight grip. He pushes two finger into that sweet cavern, letting Taku wet them. After that, he kisses him hungrily. When Taku suddenly gasps loud, I can see what Koji did with them: They are moving inside the boy, twisting and trusting into him. The boy screams with anger and desperation. Koji just laughs. "It's no use, Izumi. You should know that by now."
Suddenly very tender, Koji touches his cheeks. "Relax ..." He pushes Taku down onto the pallet and starts to worship his body. Koji takes his time. He kisses the throat, nibbles at the satin skin there and explores Takus ears, licking at the most sensitive spot just beneath the lobes.
I get hard only from watching.
As the tension becomes too much for me, I bow down and start to kiss the inside of Taku's lowers arms. The skin is so soft...
In the meantime, Koji has reached a brown nipple and starts sucking it, turning it into a hard kernel.

Taku moans low. Now he is shivering again, but this time more from passion than fear. He is aroused and Koji takes shamelessly advantage of that fact. He sucks on Taku's erection, creating more moans from him. His fingers have found their way back into that slender body, moving slowly now to prepare the entrance.
Suddenly, he stops. Koji opens his pants and frees his huge erection.  He is very low on patience now, it seems that passion has consumed most of it.
Taku is forced to suck the hot member, then, without any further delay, Koji pushes his legs out of the way and trusts into him.
Taku's fingernails rake into my hands, he gasps.
I don't know, what to do, I really don't!
On the one hand, I want to comfort him on the other I'm so aroused myself.
I grab his wrists with one hand and use the free one to stroke Taku a little. Sometimes it even touches Koji's hard shoulder as he is now leaning over the boy pushing deep into him. Without noticing, I start to caress myself. As if in a fever, I watch them having sex until a hot wave washes through me and my seed flows over my hand. In the meanwhile, Koji's thrusts have become nearly violent and he is panting heavily just like his lover.
"Free him."
I let go of those slender wrists, Taku wraps his arms around Koji, digs his nails into his white muscular back. Suddenly, the boy rears up and emits breathless screams. I see Koji's eyes light up, he steals a passionate kiss and groans into Taku's mouth as he too spends himself now.
Both collapse on the mattress, taking deep breaths, exhausted.
After a few minutes, Koji rises. He stretches his body and, purring like a fat cat, grabs a blanket, lies down and collects Taku in his arms.
The boy hesitates for a moment. Eventually, he gives in and allows Koji to snuggle close.

Somehow, I feel like a fith wheel now. Well, at least, I could join them. With a small sigh, I dare to crawl under the sheets and cuddle up to them. To my own surprise, I'm not instantly removed - Koji just hugs his love tight and throws me a little smile.
Content I curl up and with a strange feeling of belonging somewhere, fall asleep.


There is this dream again. More a nightmare, it is returning every now and then. It's not even a nightmare: It was the worst reality possible.
It starts every time with the same picture: I see myself entering Koji's bedroom.  Taku is kneeling on the floor, covered with bloody stripes from Koji's whipping. There is a leash around his ankle. Every time he tries to stand up, Koji drags at the lash and Taku falls down again.
Koji beats Taku up for no reason, just because he is drunk and feels like 'showing who's the boss'. I am kind of used to their fighting, but it was never like this - never!
I plead with Koji to stop, to hold it. He totally ignores me. I don't dare to step in his way. Our leader is totally incalculable, especially when Taku is involved. Maybe the boy refused him again. Or he argued about how Koji smelled of alcohol, or something similar unimportant.
Finally, Koji stops the beating and unties Taku's ankle only to throw him onto the bed. Taku is totally lost; he tries to flee the rape and crawls weakly aside.
Maybe, if he would have just lain down and yielded, maybe then everything would have been okay. Koji would have taken his body and after that, just let him be.
But Taku attempt to escape enraged Koji so much … .
He drags Taku up and shoves him forcefully against a wall. Taku hisses at the pain, Koji's strong grip around his throat everything that holds him up. A single blood drop runs from his mouth down his chin.
Koji just growls. "You don't like me, do you? I'll give you something to dislike. I will fuck you with something so very unpleasant - you will beg for my cock to replace it."
He lets the boy go and Taku sinks down. Koji rummages through his wardrobe and, with an evil smile, finally turns back to the boy. He looks so malicious, I feel cold hands gripping my body and start to talk like crazy but Koji just pushes me aside. He steps to Taku who gets really pale the second he sees Koji's smile. He shrinks back and stumbles, exhausted.
In this moment, something happens. I don't know why, but suddenly, Koji loses every control over himself. Maybe because in this instant Taku looks so very vulnerable. He grabs the boy's frail wrist and throws him back against the wall - only this time, Taku doesn't hit the wall.

He can't catch himself in time and falls through the glass of the closed window.

I stand like frozen but Koji storms to the windows and tries to grab for his victim. He is too late. The boy falls out and down in slow motion, every second strechted into minutes.
Finally he hits a parked car from the 4th floor headfirst.
During the fall, Taku hasn't made a sound.
Koji screams, the next second he runs downstairs, me just behind him. There is blood everywhere. It flows from a headwound and colours the dirty car a bright red.
The boy is unconscious; he is still lying on the roof of the car.  I see, how Koji wants to grab him and can barely prevent it. "Don't! You can't move him, wait for the ambulance!"
Koji stares at me with tears in his eyes, he is clearly in shock.
I only just manage to get a working phone and call an ambulance. When I come back, a strange sight greets me. Koji has climbed on the car and is talking to the unconscious boy as if in fever. He keeps babbling senseless apologies, gently touching that bloodied face.
Somehow he has covered Takus naked body with a coat and stays with him until the ambulance arrives.

I wake up sweating and shivering from this nightmare. I never ever want this to happen again. And yet, like a curse, I see this day in so many nights again in my dreams.

It's now very dark in the bedroom. Both boys are fast asleep. I think, that somehow Koji suffers more from this day then Taku. As I look on them, he has wrapped himself around his lover like a flower closing its petals to protect a little insect over the night. All I see from Taku is his head - everything else is covered by arms and shoulders. Even a leg is wrapped around him.
Koji has tucked his head against his chest so the boy is really enclosed under his body.

Sigh … I don't know if Taku will ever forgive Koji. But I know for sure, that Koji will never forgive himself. I just hope, that they will come to terms somehow. Koji won't live without his love; he is obsessed with his Izumi. And the boy ….
I'm not sure about Taku's feelings. On the other hand, he can't go back to his old life anymore. Koji changed him too much for that.
The best would be a new beginning for the two of them. But how can they start it …..
It's getting light already, I should really quit thinking and start sleeping. With a last sigh, I curl up beside Taku and dive away into the depths of slumber.


nach oben



The morning light teases me, but I refuse to open my eyes and start the day. A little conversation is to be heard, so I do pretend to be still asleep - Koji and Taku wouldn't like my eavesdropping I bet.

Koji holds Taku close to his chest, hugging him gently. His voice is calm but sounds also resigned.
"Hit me, curse me, whatever.
But don't act like that. I'd prefer for you like our sex, but if you hate it then fight. Or protest. Right now, you are only offering me your body and you, yourself are gone. Please, I want you ... don't behave like that."

Taku sighs: "I'm tired, Koji. Tired of fighting and being overwhelmed and used. Tired of being pushed around like a broken toy. If you like me, let me go. I can't go back to my old life, but perhaps I can build a new one for me. If you can't stand the thought, kill me. Anything is better then being broken every night."

I can almost feel how much these words hurt Koji. His next question is nearly desperate. "Did I hurt you last night?  Did I?"
"So, why are you acting like that? You do enjoy it, at least sometimes."
"I don't want any of that. All you are looking for is a toy and I'm none. Why do you insist?"
A soft sigh washes through the room, somehow Koji gives up. "I want you, that's all. There is no use in discussing this. I won't hurt you anymore so you better get used to the fact that you are my toy. My most favourite, most cherished plaything ...."

Before Taku can reply something, Koji claims his mouth in a long kiss and hugs him close. There is one little mistake: He doesn't hold him like you would hold a toy - he holds Taku just like a lover would.
I sigh inwardly. They can be so stubborn!
Afterwards, both stay silent.
It's the perfect time to 'wake up'.
Yawning, I move out of my sheets and smile at them. "Good morning! How about breakfast?"


Taku looks at me and instantly turns deep red. He sinks a little deeper under the sheets, or better, into Koji's arms, avoiding me. Koji, this Bastard, uses the situation to his advantage. He grins broadly at me while he covers Takuto nearly completely and obviously enjoys his embarrassment. "Morning Shibuya. Breakfast would be a splendid idea. Do we have some?"

I twitch. "As far as I know, the cupboards are quite empty. Someone has to go and buy something for it."

Koji rubs his cheek with great relish over Taku's face, dragging him out for his refuge. "How about fresh rolls and hot coffee, just for us?"

Without waiting for an answer, Koji jumps out of the bed and hurries into his clothes. "I'll get some. But first …"
He takes handcuffs out of the drawer and chains Takus right wrist at the heater - maybe the only thing in this building, which is solidly embed in the wall.
"Just in case, you get jumpy … Don't run away until I'm back with breakfast. I'll free you as soon as I return, little one."
He brushes his lips gently over Taku's forehead and puts a quick kiss onto his nose tip for good-bye.
"Shibuya, you keep an eye on him."

The next moment, Koji vanishes through the doorway. I grin a little; he really is in a hurry to return.

Turning to Taku, all I see are sparkling eyes burning holes into me under a shock of dark hair.
Uuups - it seems that he didn't like the role I played last night ...

"That Koji is a pervert, I've known - but you! Katsumi, why did you stay? I thought at least you would respect me. Tell me, what am I to you? Really a whore? Or just a toy?"

Despite his harsh words, tears are shimmering in his eyes, bright crystals in amber depths.

No way to blabber around.
He needs a serious answer now.

"You are Koji's lover and part of the gang and someone I do respect. No toy - and definitely not a whore. I care about the two of you - last night was just a different way of caring. Taku-chan ...."
Slowly, I reach out to touch his shoulder.

The boy turns harshly away and stares at the wall. I hear a hissed "I'm not Koji's lover!"
Even the air feels angry.
Well, understandable.
With a sigh I step back and settle down, lean against the wall to wait for Koji's return.
A few minutes pass.
Suddenly, Taku lifts his head and drags a sharp breath in through his nose. Then another.
"Katsumi, don't you smell something?"
No, I don't. But if it calms him and I can talk again to the boy - I open the door and step into the floor to check.
Now it's obvious, a very fine smell of smoke lingers in the air.
Hastily, I storm in direction of the smell, down the stairs. At different places in the ground floor, fire bites its way into the old, wooden walls. The wood is so old and dry, it burns nearly without smoke, but frightening fast. Just as I try to extinguish one, two other fires appear a few steps ahead.
No way to stop it on my own!
Even as I run up the stairs and knock on every door on my way, screaming "Fire", the flames eat their way into the building, smoke and heat directly on my heels. The gang and a few other tenants, mostly old people, assemble in the hallway.
"Get out! The fire is rocking fast, we don't have much time! Take everything you need, but fast!"
The gang has its few belongings soon grabbed, but Kimie has to almost knock out an old lady to get her to leave her flat - she can't decide, what to take. My own bundle is easy - money, a few clothes and some hardware. Now I can leave!
Let this building burn down for all I care.
I've forgot something ...  NO!

The next second, I'm in Koji's bedroom. Everywhere is smoke now, Taku sits upright in the bed, looking silently at me. His eyes are dark and clear, he realizes the situation completely.
I push Koji's money and his bank keys from their hiding-place into my bag, then I turn to Taku and throw some clothes at him.  

"Where are the keys to the handcuffs?"

Dreamily, he takes his Jeans.
"Dammit, we have no time! Where?"

"Around Koji's neck."

"What?" I stare openly at the boy, who one-handedly puts the Jeans on.

Without looking at me, he answers. "Koji keeps them always around his neck. If you don't have a spare one or tools to crack them, there is no way to open these handcuffs."

Alternating, I stare at the boy, the cuffs and the solid heater.
With all my might, I hang myself on the chain and pull.
Taku watches me silent. He is absolutely calm.
"Forget it. Get out and save yourself, Katsumi. Without Koji, there is no way to open them."
Screaming, I hammer on this damned piece of metal.
"I won't leave you here to burn, there has to be a way!"
The smoke flickers thick through the room, signal horns fill the air and the sounds of people outside take our attention. The boys have noticed our missing and scream our names.
"You should go now. Surely the firemen have some heavy tools to crack this. Get them up here."
The idea sounds good. Hastily, I grab my bundle and storm out.
The walk is hardly to see, the smoke so thick, I can't breathe. Coughing, I stumble downstairs. I can only feel my way. Where is the exit? Panic rises as a huge shadow appears in front of me and carries me out of the building. I hadn't noticed that I was already on the ground floor. The heat is enough burn the air.

The fireman shakes me a little. "Are you okay?"
I take some deep breaths and point at the building. "One of us is still inside. He can't come out. We need a bolt cutter to free him, fast!"

The man looks at me with sorrow in his eyes. "Sorry boy, I was the last one. The building can collapse any moment. We prevent the other buildings from catching fire but that's all we can do now. Your friend has to make it on his own."
"He can't!" I scream, Tears sting in my eyes. The chief stomps up to us.
"Quit it. You can be lucky, that we came in this rotten quarter. I don't risk a good man for a shitty lowlife, forget it."
He pushes me aside and calls his men to the other houses.

We stare at each other, the gang has no idea, what to do now.

Koji - where are you?


nach oben


The next moment, I hear the sound of a heavy motorbike approaching. Seconds later, Koji climbs from his machine. He quickly looks over the situation and our group. Instantly, I’m being grabbed at the shoulders and shaken.


“Shibuya, where is Izumi?”

I look at him, tears roll over my face.

“But Koji – you’ve got the keys!”


The tall boy looks at me, his blue eyes wide open.

Realization hits him like a hammer.

I’m shoved aside.

Without hesitation, without another word, Koji storms past the shocked firemen, knocks everyone in his way down to the ground and enters the burning house.


We wait anxiously.

Seconds stretch into hours, minutes into months.

The chief fireman watches the house with clenched teeth, he holds his men ready to act if they see something. It seems that, despite his cruel words, he doesn’t want to watch a boy’s death.

Still the gang stares at the house, we barely dare to breathe.

After several minutes – they feel like an eternity -  a person climbs out of a window in the 4th floor and drags another behind. Takuto seems only semiconscious. Both balance over the small ledge just beneath the window. All the while Koji holds Taku with one arm, supporting him.

The firemen instantly get their jumping sheet ready to catch them. Despite of the danger – by now the house is burning completely and at any time parts of the roof can fall down – they take position under the two boys.

I might be wrong, but I could have sworn that the smaller figure has put his hand into that of the other, just before they take that last step forward.


They jump. Both boys land unharmed as far as I can see, especially Koji is fine exept for some bruises. Taku coughs heavily, it seems he’s got smoke poisoning. The firemen swarm around them and get them away from the house.

The second, they let them go, Taku rushes upon Koji. He calls him stupid and crazy and hits him with both fists and finally, breaks down and cries.

Koji holds him close, whispers soothing words and tries his best to comfort him until the doctors take him to the hospital again.


The ambulance was already waiting – I really think, that the chief is much nicer then he wants to seem. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have called it in advance.

Koji can’t join Taku, so he rushes on his bike after the ambulance and leaves it to me to collect the gang and get everything together. Oh well – I should be used to it by now that he always leaves the nasty work to me .....




A few days later, we visit Taku in the hospital, the doc finally allowed it. Koji has something special for Taku: He has his first single in his pocket – as gift.


The music contest was two days after the fire and to our complete amazement, Koji decided to join Takafumi and his band. Or better: Takafumi was just about to tell the jury that his singer had quit as the Jury Lady asked him about “this handsome young man on stage”. Koji called him on the stage, already at the micro. The band was so perplexed, they needed two runs to give the right intro.

But Koji – he was breathtaking. He sung with such a passion, with such emotion – I know that he is a cold-blooded bastard but in that second I was almost literally at his feet, overwhelmed by emotions. I forgave him instantly every cold word, every harsh action and all his uncaring I’ve ever experienced. And that has been a lot.

In this moment, he shined brighter than anything or anyone else.

In this moment, he was an Idol. And for the first time, I really got the meaning of the word.


The crowd was silent after the song for what seemed an eternity. Then they nearly stormed the stage. We needed security to get safely back.

Koji didn’t even twitch. He was absolutely cool and as distant as ever.


I don’t overstate when I say: A star was born.


As bonus, Koji asked the studio guys for a record of the song which they gladly delivered.

Somehow I don’t get it: All this to get a special gift for his Izumi.


Absolutely Koji.




Now we stand in front of Taku’s bed, he seems to be sleeping. It’s the first time I see Koji getting nervous. He bows down and kisses Taku on his temple. Just like in a fairy tale, the boy opens his eyes and looks at us.

He is still very weak, the smoke poisoning was serious, but at least he seems to be more alive than before. He even manages a small smile.


I’ve never seen Koji that shy. He strokes Takus face most tenderly, barely touching his skin.

All the while I’m chattering. “Hi Taku-chan! How are you? You look much better. When will you leave the hospital? It can’t be long, you look so good!”




As though I was talking to myself, both stay silent.

All the while, Koji hesitates to get near to Taku. When he finally steps close, he touches his face most tenderly, brushing his fingers over the soft skin. Taku shoos his hand away with an unwilling move. "Don't."
Koji lets go of him like burned.

The boy stares at him with dark, angry eyes, fury sparkling in them.
"What do you plan next? Boiling me in hot water? Why are you here - checking out your victim if it's nice and quiet? I won't talk, don't worry. It's not necessary for you to be here."

An uncomfortable silence falls.

Every single one of Taku's bitter words hits Koji like a whip, I can see it the way he trembles. He doesn't even dare to grab the boy, he only stands there and shivers. I'm speechless myself, it's tough to counter this attack.
A very soft sentence does it.

"I love you."

Koji shyly faces the floor; he doesn't look at the boy.

Taku stares at him with big eyes. "What?!"

Louder now. "I love you. I didn't mean for all of this to happen, I just want to keep you close, to protect and maybe also to possess you. I want you, I need you, I love you - Izumi, you are everything for me. I can't let you go. Please ....."

"I don't believe a single word of what you are saying! You don't have to tell me this kind of lies to keep me quiet. It's unnecessary. The only thing I want is to get rid of you."

Koji pales, I can see this insane light flickering in his eyes. He is at the brink of doing something really crazy.

Hastily I jump between them.

"We are really happy, that you are getting better, Taku-chan. The boys were worried to the bone. All of us - especially Koji. He has done a lot of bad things, but you can't blame  the fire on him, it wasn't his fault. After all, he risked his life to get you out. Give him a chance, yes?"

The boy lowers his eyes. "What choices do I have?"

Before I can, Koji answers. His voice is cold and somehow final. "None. I'll follow you to hell and back if necessary. You will be mine, even if I have to imprison you to achieve this. Got that?"

A very dark look shows that Taku completely understands.

Again, silence falls. The atmosphere is icy. The boy stares at the ceiling. Koji fixes his eyes upon the wall.
The next minutes will decide whether Taku becomes Koji’s lover in future or his property.
It seems, like it's up to me ....

"You don't know the best news yet - you'll move!"
"Oh really?"

Hrmmm, a halfhearted reply is better than none.

"Yes, in a really nice apartment in uptown. It's so cool and right next to a soccer field. You can work out there every day. There is even a college nearby, you'll love it!"
"Sounds fine." Taku's answer is nothing more than polite. The prospect of nice surroundings with everything his heart desires leaves him untouched.
Fuck, we searched so hard for the perfect dwelling. Koji paid a fortune to get it.

Helpless, I look at Koji.

The silver-haired boy turns around and steps closer. He moves slowly, carefully avoiding any sign of aggression or anger. He puts his arms around Taku and hugs him close.

"It's okay, if you are afraid. I'm afraid, too. I never loved someone that much. I never cared about anyone or anything. Now you are there and everything is different. I've hurt you and I can't make that undone. I've put you in danger, unwillingly maybe, but still. I can't let you go, in spite of all that, I just can't. You can live your life, just share it with me, will you?"

It's part resignation, part acceptance as Taku buries his face in the bend of Koji’s neck.


"You are absolutely crazy. How can you depend on someone else that much?"

Koji sighs. "I love you. You don't love or trust me now but perhaps I can earn it. I'll never leave you alone, Izumi."
For a few minutes, Koji is hugging him, holding on for dear life. I don't know what to say, so I just sit aside and pray to any god who might listen, that they'll find together.
Finally, a nurse steps in and announces the end of visiting hours.

Koji lays Taku carefully down and covers him, stroking a few strands out of his face. "I'll fetch you as soon as they let you go. Get well soon, will you?"

The boy just nods. As things are, he has a lot to think over.

As we leave the hospital, Koji is as cold as ever. Hard to believe, that this Mr. Cool just announced true love to someone.

Koji mounts his bike. "I have got something to do, Shibuya. See you later."

"Has it something to do with the fire? Koji, please, don't do anything stupid."

Our leader looks me right in the eyes, I shiver under his gaze. We've found out in between, that the family of the leading boy started the fire as revenge for his humiliation in that dark alley.
Worse it, it's not just 'a family'. It's one of the ruling houses in this city.

Koji just smiles coldly. "Don't worry, Shibuya. They won't bother us ever again."

With that, he's gone - and despite of his words, cold fingers travel along my spine.



nach oben


Rumors are humming through Downtown like never before. It seems that a new family – much cleverer and smarter than anyone of the long established houses – creates new rules and readies a new territory.

Their prey is the ruling house, which started the fire in our home.

It’s a strange coincidence, nevertheless, no one has heard from this new family or made any deals with them. It just destroys the power and wealth of its chosen prey.

And they do it really smart.

Someone gave a well-known reporter a hint, where to find the main puppet of this family, the major – the reporter caught him on an excessive sex-party with his pants down between very young girls as company.

That would not a big problem in uptown normally – you keep things like that are just swept under the carpet. But the reporter writes for a big, country-wide newspaper and he made a top-story out of this.

Especially the fact, that the bodyguards of our major tried to kill him and he could only escape with the help of a mysterious motorcyclist, who seemed to watch out for him, shocked the people.

The next day, our major was history.

Suddenly, the power of the family was waning.


Then there was the next blow: Somehow, federal agents got a hint of a big drug-deal. This family managed the complete Opium-line and one of their ships, full of smuggled opium, was heading for the harbor when the coastguard entered it and found the drugs.

You see, normally our city-officials protect these deals. All of them are prospering from them. But the federal guys are not -–so they do their job, and do it well. The family could do nothing about it as suddenly nearly the complete top of the city council was taken in.


Hindering a criminal procedure is a punishable act – they learned that the hard way.


The family was down now, every other house was going to prey on them but the death-blow came from this mysterious new family: The Tax-Office came over the house like a biblical trial and took everything they had. The family never paid taxes and someone gave this information to exactly the right person ....

Now the people are either in jail or living poor on the street - and so is the boy.


I saw Koji only a few times during the fall of this family, he always was very busy. Somehow I can’t quite push aside the feeling, that I know at least one member, or rather the only member, of that new family ....


He didn’t visit Taku in Hospital during this time. I did sometimes  but the boy was always very quiet. Hopefully he won’t stay like that. Somehow I miss the old Takuto with his temperament, always willing to stand up for his rights.


At the beginning, Koji was fascinated with his pride and the will to fight back. He caught Taku after school and locked him into the basement for about four days. Sometimes, we heard Taku scream and sometimes Koji had bruises and scratches on his face after his visits.

I took care of Taku’s injuries and boy, there had been a lot of them. But in his eyes always sparkled pride and he never gave up.

Once, after a series of screams it became awfully silent. I sneaked down to check and saw a strange picture: Taku was unconscious, blood dripped from his wrists where the ties had cut them. He was sitting in Koji’s lap who pressed his head to his shoulder, eyes closed. Taku’s arms hung down, the blood dripped on the dirty floor and Koji was just holding him tight without whispering a single word.

He suddenly looked up and in my eyes with so much grief – I felt Koji’s misery and conflicting feelings with all my soul. He never loved and now he was taken by storm without a single chance to step back.

He put Taku gently back on the bed nodding at me.

“Take care of him.”

The next moment he left the room, not a winner but a victim of his own heart.


It was the first time ever that Koji showed feelings other then arrogance, coldness or anger.

Up to now, Taku is the only person Koji cares for. I only hope that he accepts his role as Koji’s mate. Otherwise things are going to get ugly .....


Around three weeks after our first visit, he is about to be dismissed from the hospital.


We pick him up with Koji’s new car and take him to the new apartment in uptown.


Most of the boys of the gang stayed in downtown and found themselves a new home – with a little help from Koji this wasn’t any problem.


Taku doesn’t speak a word until we enter the living room. The apartment is nice and clean and bright and I can see how nervous Koji is - he is afraid of Takuto’s reaction.


The dark-haired boy puts his bags down slowly.

“So this is where I live now ... it’s nice for a prison.”


“It’s not a prison.”   Koji’s voice sounds calm.



Dark brown eyes burn themselves into blue ones, I take a small step back – it’s a thing between the two now.


“No. It’s our home, where we both live. I can’t lock you in forever, but I also can’t let you go. Give it a try, Izumi. I’ll make a living, maybe as singer; the contracts look most promising and Shibuya here takes care about the music-company. All I have to do is sing, look good and write a few songs when I feel like it. Which is more than well-paid. You’ll go to college,  play soccer and become the best. After work, we’ll be here together.

It’s the best I can offer you: A chance to live your life not as my toy but as my mate. Your future will never be without me. Take that as a promise or as a threat, I don’t care.

Only accept that it’s ‘we’ now.”


Taku shakes his head and shows a little smile.

“That was quite a speech. You should go into politics. If I have to accept the ‘we’-part what about you then?”


Koji steps near the boy and clutches him to his chest.

“I’ll do my best.”


Tako hesitates for a moment but then he relaxes into the embrace and closes his eyes. For a long hug both of them stay silent. Finally, Taku frees himself.

“I don’t really trust you but I’ll stay. No way to get rid of you, right? Also I wouldn’t know how to explain to my family a continuous guest.”


Koji smiles like a child on Thanksgiving - he put everything on a single card and he won. It’s no declaration of love but it’s the best he can get right now from Taku.


As far as I see it, Taku can’t return to his family anymore because of his conflicting feelings – and because he doesn’t know how to explain the situation to them.


The boy still looks uneasy but hesitatingly gives in to Koji who does his best to comfort him – and gets his way .


Or so it seems when I leave them ...






It’s around 3 months now since Taku moved in. I’m there nearly every day, officially for the music company but mainly to check on Koji and his lover. They go along surprisingly well. As long as Taku can chase a soccer ball, it seems, he ignores anything else.

Sometimes, just sometimes, I’ve got the feeling that he likes it to be petted and loved – when Koji lifts him up then and carries him towards the bedroom on his arms the boy snuggles close to his shoulder like a bride on her wedding night. They make love then in the full meaning of the word.

Sometimes Taku can be a bitch – he tantalizes Koji in tiny shorts and skimpy shirts and doesn’t even allow a single touch. Koji is surprisingly calm then –he leaves the room before he can’t control himself anymore and jumps on the boy to fuck him. That are the days when he hangs around with me and the boys, having fun, getting drunk and chasing pretty women until it’s time to get home.


I wasn’t allowed to join them since that special night but it’s not that bad – I’ve found a nice girl friend in between and we have a lot of fun together.

To be honest: I’ll never forget the feeling of Taku’s hands clasped around mine and for sure never the longing look in Koji’s eyes just before he entered this graceful body.

In my secret heart of hearts I would give everything to be included.

Taku would never understand.

Koji will never know.

It’s the best for everyone.


Except for me.



nach oben